After the initial revelation of finding ourselves on a path to recovery, we have to get into action. Our first course of action is to find a sponsor: someone capable of leading us on the path toward taking responsibility for our actions. In the world outside of recovery, sponsors are those who vouch for you or who act as your benefactor. In recovery, however, a sponsor’s role is quite different. Their role isn’t to vouch for you but rather to guide you through the 12 steps. In more apt terms, your sponsor is more like a mentor. When looking for …

Recently I was asked, “What’s the difference between forgiveness and compassion?” Unearthed from a discussion about childhood trauma, recovery, and parents, the discussion had evolved to spirituality and Buddhist practice and the ways in which we can make space for the trauma and hurt of our pasts. There is an answer, of course, but I often find that questions such as these are best answered via experiential stories. Both forgiveness and compassion require that we practice some level of self-acceptance; in order to be forgiving or able to show compassion to others, we have to be able to provide ourselves …

Acceptance is a facet of recovery that challenges many of us. It can be the impetus for pushback and resistance regardless of how much sober/recovery time one has.  Initially, we begin by learning to accept the basics of recovery: our powerlessness, our mental health, and our addictions. As we progress, the areas in which we may need acceptance shift, or broaden, and the work continues. We may ask ourselves why we are not where we think we should be in our lives, and finding acceptance around that can be a thorny process. It means holding space for the fact that …

Stepping onto a path of recovery and beginning the removal of toxicity from one’s life is an arduous, often painful, but beautiful process. But I like to believe that some of our greatest lessons come from our difficulties. Those are the times that provide us with the most insight into what is actually going on with us. Take for instance your relationships with others. Is there a pattern? Have you continued to add links to an unhealthy chain be it consciously or subconsciously? Are you happy? When there is a history of toxicity in one’s life, particularly when it’s introduced …

  Gratitude: what makes gratitude—this “quality of being thankful” according to the Oxford Dictionary–such an integral part of one’s recovering life? Or rather, what makes it such a necessary part of having a happy life in recovery?  I am struck by how prone the world is to grouchiness, especially on Mondays.  For many, a weekend of merrymaking (even sober) does not leave many of us filled with appreciation come Mondy morning.  If anything, Monday tends to be synonymous with dread. It need not be so. When we step foot on the path of recovery, we don’t do it because we’re …

recovery |riˈkəvərē| noun 1. a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength; 2. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.  When we begin the process of recovery from various addictions, some may be surprised to find there are a number of approaches to recovery. This is promising. It means recovery isn’t one-size-fits-all, and it means there is hope for those who may be having some difficulties finding their way. While some of us may solely lean on the 12 steps to create a foundation in recovery, others find they can …

What is that higher ground anyway? Oh, my, it’s just about here, that busy, family filled, often harrowing holiday season. But rather than  harping on the negatives and the what-ifs, I think it’s more apropos to talk about gratitude. There is certainly a lot to be grateful for, wacky family dynamics aside. It’s time to take a good look of where we are and where we’ve been and start making those gratitude lists. Often times, changing the way we look at things allows us to manage difficulties with grace instead of bombastic derivations. Certainly, we all have family members that …

Image by HaPe_Gera via Flickr Recovery means more than just eliminating drugs and alcohol. It also means discovering new ways to cope with the feelings you were running from when you used. Troubled home life? Run. Problems at school? Run. I’m not talking about literally running, either; I’m talking about cloaking the feelings of loss and abandonment in the toxic blanket of drugs and alcohol in an attempt to mute the pain. As human beings, we need to be nurtured, loved, supported and fed, and we naturally assume we will get all of this from our parents. Sometimes, we don’t, …

The 12-step model is certainly reliable and is the standard go-to place for most people seeking recovery. It’s certainly the model we refer to first in the recovery world. However, there are times when we come across an alcoholic or addict who is deeply atheist and subsequently hits a wall when they get to Step 2: “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.” Can AA work for them too? Most people will say that it can. Some will leave things as-is, and some will need to make some minor language changes in order …

Image via Wikipedia When I think of the phrase “I’m an alcoholic,” I often think of Popeye and the fervency behind his frequently uttered catchphrase: “I yam what I yam.”  When admitting to being an alcoholic, you’re taking the first step towards admission of powerlessness. It implies an understanding that in claiming that label, one is willing to look at the mind-body connection to their drinking and using. According to the 12 and 12, “Admission of powerlessness is the first step in liberation.” It is the way those of us in 12-step recovery begin to build the foundation on which …